I was trying to get to sleep by lying in bed listening to the world service last night when an interview started with an American woman who, due to a car crash or something, had damaged her speech centres and couldn’t stop talking in a faux-cockney/Australian accent. She was getting really upset about it, almost hysterical that nobody would take her seriously. All in a faux-cockney/Australian accent. Then Rory Bremner came on and praised her brave struggle, but whilst doing impressions of George Bush and Tony Blair. And she got tearful and started thanking him / Tony… in a faux-cockney/Australian accent.
I couldn’t get to sleep for an hour after that as I thought my brain was going to explode.
Then today, tired from nothing at all, I attempted to cook and eat some food, but even this simple task was rendered impossible by the beast that is Jacques. I despise him and hope he dies very very soon. It’s taken me a long time to come to this decision but now I’m pretty sure he actually enjoys being an absolute godforsaken arsehole.
Any suggestions on how to kill him?
Anyone who doesn’t know him will think I’m laying it on a bit thick here. I’m not.
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