I was trying to get to sleep by lying in bed listening to the world service last night when an interview started with an American woman who, due to a car crash or something, had damaged her speech centres and couldn’t stop talking in a faux-cockney/Australian accent. She was getting really upset about it, almost hysterical that nobody would take her seriously. All in a faux-cockney/Australian accent. Then Rory Bremner came on and praised her brave struggle, but whilst doing impressions of George Bush and Tony Blair. And she got tearful and started thanking him / Tony… in a faux-cockney/Australian accent.
I couldn’t get to sleep for an hour after that as I thought my brain was going to explode.
Then today, tired from nothing at all, I attempted to cook and eat some food, but even this simple task was rendered impossible by the beast that is Jacques. I despise him and hope he dies very very soon. It’s taken me a long time to come to this decision but now I’m pretty sure he actually enjoys being an absolute godforsaken arsehole.
Any suggestions on how to kill him?
Anyone who doesn’t know him will think I’m laying it on a bit thick here. I’m not.

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16 Responses to

  1. poranila_se says:

    this is the frenchman?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Throw him out of the window!!!
    Bob

  3. Anonymous says:

    Sorry to use this as a means of contact,, but you are worse than me responding to emails. I made a bit of money while visiting the parents, so before I go to asia I was thinking of a visit to good ole praha. Who will be there during the first week of january.
    Bob

    • Hey, sorrz, I know I’m fucking bad, but what can you do.
      That’ll be cool you coming over in January. Are you staying at the clown and bard or maybe you could share Jacques’ bed with him? Hamish will be back in the closet by then.

  4. Anonymous says:

    this is lisa
    i don’t know but if u come up with a murder plot i need to kill the transport minister.
    the 9 is “like the holy grail of trams. it should never be touched” (carolina said that)
    now i think i may have a problem. i am experiencing withdrawal from blind eye. how will i ever go home? god i have never felt this way about a bar i can’t eat, can’t sleep well yes i can do both in excessive quantities it seems but still. maybe its something to do with not having a beer since ooh tuesday.
    i miss it. i feel like the life of blind eye is happening without me. help i miss it and the peeps.

    • Re: this is lisa
      I have a theory about the number 9 too.
      Will tell you later.

    • Anonymous says:

      Re: this is lisa
      what happend to number 9?
      Bob

      • Anonymous says:

        the 9 may as well be abducted by aliens the amount of use it is now. it doesn’t go to zizkov. but to a new stop round the corner from jindrisska then u have to get a bus to get into the high security?! of the zizkov area.
        lisa

  5. Anonymous says:

    bob’s alive! praise be.
    as to how to deal with jaques…………..fuck knows. slow death by taunting maybe. or wash the couch covers again and watch him die of an apolplectic rage.
    bea

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