Posted on 26/08/2004 by haonowshaokao

In between socializing with jolly backpackers, the olympics has again taken up much of my day, and why not? It’s always been my idea that they should have some really pointless events in the mix to provide some comic relief. Slow bicycle races, pissing up a wall, tantric sex, maybe a freestyle event where you just do whatever you want. But any idea I could dream up has been topped by the ludicrous spectacle of the modern pentathlon.
Now, don’t get me wrong – track and field heptathlons, decathlons, whatever, fair dues. The events vaguely have something in common – running, jumping, all that. But if you take five entirely unrelated disciplines which require a lifetime of dedication and put them together, then what? A shooting competition where they all miss, a swimming race where they can barely keep in their own lanes, a slow sprint and to top it all off a display of show jumping in front of a stadium full of people in which half the competitors can’t even get their horses around the course, and the rest smash walls and fences like they just don’t care. Or do, but are crap anyway.
Genius.

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15 Responses to

  1. poranila_se says:
    26/08/2004 at 11:45 am

    omg, i want to compete in this. it sounds amazing – shooting which my dad wants me to try & fencing which i always wanted to try & horseback riding which i did for so many years & a 3,000m run which i did for years. the only thing i havent realyl done is swimming but like, whatever.
    if this, “To make so many mistakes and still come away with a medal – I didn’t expect that,” the Czech said, is true – how great!
    i also like the fact that all slavs won this year and the BBC just refers to the czech as “the czech”. totally amazing.

    Reply
  2. poranila_se says:
    26/08/2004 at 11:47 am

    ps. this entry, both in style and content, is the best thing i’ve read in quite a bit.
    plus, i found this: ” In 1968 modern pentathlon produced the first positive Olympics drugs test when Swede Hans-Gunnar Liljenvall was found to be over the blood-alcohol limit” rad rad rad.

    Reply
    • hiredg00n says:
      26/08/2004 at 12:46 pm

      Well that’s stupid… So what if a guy gets nervous so he has a few beers to calm himself down! They should give a guy that’s drunk a head start, not a banning!

      Reply
      • haonowshaokao says:
        27/08/2004 at 11:02 am

        Hm yes, not sure that beer can improve any kind of performance. Unless they had a beer drinking medal. That would be worth watching. The Czechs would win.

        Reply
  3. hiredg00n says:
    26/08/2004 at 12:48 pm

    Personally I think that rhythmic gymastics or whatever is the biggest joke of an olympic event available. Just watch the movie “Old School” with Owen Wilson and Will Farrell and you’ll realize just how lame it really is! :D

    Reply
  4. Anonymous says:
    26/08/2004 at 3:08 pm

    ahhhhh! when are you leaving,james?! am i going to miss you then,by coming at christmas? that sucks. well, maybe you’ll make enough money in brighton to come back with everyone else for the christmas/new year’s reunion. i hope so! anyway, hope you’re having a good visit with jan-wish i was there. i miss everything and everyone so much. have fun,and na zdravi me,dammit. i’m taking off on wednesday to a country where i don’t technically speak the language,nor do i have a job,money,or a place to live. woo hoo! let me know when you’re leaving prague-maybe i will try to give you a call before you go…if you send your number. love,lara

    Reply
  5. spitting__games says:
    26/08/2004 at 4:02 pm

    the olympics bore me to death
    & they took neighbours off for it!
    pffft
    um hi

    Reply
  6. doughnutdiary says:
    27/08/2004 at 6:30 am

    In the pub yesterday, my friends and I were at a loss to fathom the point of dressage, otherwise known as ‘making a horse walk sideyways’ as an Olympic sport. Unless you ever had to get a horse down an escalator sideways (and what a big escalator), just what is the point?

    Reply
    • haonowshaokao says:
      27/08/2004 at 11:12 am

      I think the worst sport is the football, to be fair. If the best in the sport don’t enter, what’s the point? Might as well not have it.
      And baseball. I ask you. Apparently they are considering cricket too. Jesus.

      Reply

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