Meat in popular music, part two; The Lady In Red (Is Dancing With Meat)

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All Change

I’ve been watching the British election results roll in from my office, and on the whole it’s been a pretty depressing day. The only chinks of gold in the heap of shit are the greens finally winning in Brighton, even without my vote, and the failure of the tories to actually properly win.
The Chinese interest in the election is non-existent. It’s mentioned on the international news, which nobody I meet even watches. Explaining the intricacies of our ridiculous system is absolutely impossible, though it doesn’t matter as nobody is interested in the arcane working of an irrelevant backward-looking island thousands of miles away.
There is a temptation to find some expat bar to discuss it all with real Englishers – then I remember who they voted for, and the desire quickly subsides.

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Mayday

My various workplaces gave me three days off for the holiday, so my father-in-law-to-be-or-whatever-I-count-him-as invited us to spend the weekend in Tongzhou. As usual we spent a day in the spa next-door – a giant, square faux-roman building which offers a sauna, pool, three meals and somewhere to kip for the very reasonable price of five quid. The sauna is the main point of the place, of course. Taking my clothes off in front of thirty or so Chinese men was embarrassing the first time, but the fear factor has absolutely worn off now. The staff all say “Sabadeeka” to you and bow whenever you walk past. Presumably the idea is to dispel with servitude the fundamental ridiculousness of naked men walking around. Whatever the reason, I wish they’d stop trying to help me. Aside from that, and the sauna temperature being unpredictable, it’s pretty good.
The food could be ok if V’s family didn’t insist on getting piles of shellfish and obscure cuts of offal for me to dig through. I tend to get a plate of fried rice and boneless meat, which nobody else will touch. The only thing we both agree on has turned out to be shark fin soup, which I can neither eat nor convincingly presuade others not to. Generally I survive on dim sum and fruit, which is actually somewhere around delicious.
On Saturday we actually slept there too. The sleeping part is easy, there are rows and rows of comfortable reclining chairs. The only tricky part is trying to stop anyone taking V’s chair while she goes off for an hour. There’s also a 4th floor which I’ve never been to. Presumably there are also beds there, but what goes on in those beds? I mean, I know very well, but we don’t talk about it.
The rest of the weekend we hung out at V’s parents’. They’re nice, funny people, but they do tend to communicate with each-other by shouting from opposite ends of the flat – not to argue, just to conduct even the most mundane of conversations. I ate, went on the internet and took xiaobei (the dog) for a few walks round the block. It wasn’t the most exciting weekend of all time, but nevertheless it was good to take a few days’ break from my currently ridiculous schedule.

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Hubei

A couple of weeks ago I went with V down to Hubei to “register”. It’s a bit like getting married, except the wedding itself won’t be for a few years, so best think of it as an engagement.
Things didn’t start too well, they never do when you have to leave from Beijing West Station. Within a couple of minutes of arriving my phone had gone, presumed pickpocketed. We boarded the train at 9pm, along with V’s friend Kitty and her daughter. It wasn’t a bad ride down, but I didn’t get much sleep, and when we arrived in Wuhan the following morning I wasn’t exactly feeling ready to face the world. Wuhan didn’t seem to happy to meet me either. The first person I met was a guard who wouldn’t let me out of the station until I’d shown her my (lost, later found being used as a bookmark) ticket. It took an hour of arguing and sneaking around before we found another, unguarded exit. The next person we met was a taxi driver who tried to rip us off. By the time we saw Kitty off, spirits were understandably a little low.

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After breakfast we stood in the freezing drizzle and tried to hail taxis for ten minutes. About five were hailed, stopped and were grabbed by luggage-free bystanders as we tried to get in, before finally we found one to take us to the registrations office. There we were informed politely that there was a stamp missing in V’s household register, and we needed to go to Ezhou (30km away) to get it sorted out, and also that the office was closing at 4.30pm and wouldn’t re-open for two days.
Fortunately at that moment everything started going very well indeed. The bus to Ezhou was just outside, the police station was easily found and unexpectedly helpful and the unregistered shared taxi back to Wuhan full of friendly, interesting people who thought our story was hilarious. We got back at 4pm, with just enough time free to pay our fee (about ten quid) and have our official photo taken. It’s not a terrible photo, but I still look about as tired as I was.

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The officer had somehow gone from being a jobsworth bastard to our new best friend in our few hours away. He even stayed late at work to take photos for us.

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We hung out in Wuhan for the night, staying with Kitty’s brother. We didn’t meet any more assholes. And the local breakfast was superb. We still got the next bus out, though. One day there was enough.

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Our next stop was in Wuxue, another of V’s hometowns. This one was a lot smaller and friendlier, though. We arrived in the middle of a big meal at a local restaurant, where I had to get up and toast everyone at least once. It’s a good job I seem to have developed some resistance to rice wine.
Wuxue is very nice, but resembles a small-town-sized building site.

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We spent our day there walking around in the sun, checking out the famous sites of V’s childhood.

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The town is on the banks of the Yangtzee, but doesn’t offer any particularly good views. It’s a port of sorts, but a small one, dominated by a polluting medicine factory.
The main thing of note are the huge flood defenses, which strangely enough have houses on both sides of them.

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From the top you get a pretty good view.

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When she was seven or eight V’s headmaster decided that all the children at her school should run all the way along the flood wall every morning. V repeatedly refused to run and walked instead – “Why should I run? I didn’t have any breakfast! It’s stupid!” Here she is in front of her primary school, telling this story.

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“Be a civilized citizen, build a civilized city.”

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We were staying with Kitty’s parents, above their dental surgery. This is their new dalmatian, Xiaomi – “Mistress” – who was bought to breed with their other, huge dalmatian Diendien – “Spot”.

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We went out for one last walk in the late afternoon, this time with Kitty.

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The next morning we hung out in a cafe with her and her daughter while we waited for our bus. The tea here is actually more like mushroom soup.

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…and so off to Huangmei, V’s 4th hometown. It’s even smaller than Wuxue. It was pretty hot by the time we got there, so we ate some sugar cane and hung out under an old pagoda.

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Huangmei isn’t bad, but it really seemed like I was the first foreigner ever to visit. Some people stopped in their tracks, astonished to see me. It was a bit strange, but they were all nice really. Also, there was a river full of grass. You don’t get one of those everywhere.

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ed to rain
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The final stop on our journey was Jiujiang. It was the evening when we got there. V hasn’t liked the place since she went there aged 8 or so and went to the most disgusting toilet she’s seen in her life (this is really saying something in small-town rural China). We found it again, entirely unchanged. No, I didn’t take a photo.
While there was still a little light we went down to the lake. There were hundreds of little bats swooping around us, none of which are visible in these pictures.

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Then it started to rain.

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There was a string of outdoor restaurants nearby, so we had some fish bladders and water snails. V loved them, I wasn’t so keen.

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And that was that, except it wasn’t. Our train left at half-past-midnight, and the understandable mistake we’d made was to buy a ticket for Saturday, instead of Sunday. The replacement wasn’t too expensive though, and no use crying over spilt milk and all that.
Lots of things went wrong, but it was a great trip anyway. The first of many, we hope. And it may be a good sign that when we got back to Beijing my phone was waiting for me, having been retrieved, with great difficulty by a colleague. But that’s another story.

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Applied Linguistics As A Foreign Language – English Education in China

This is an article I wrote for the BCALS Newsletter. If you are not an applied linguist your mileage may vary.

To an outsider the more practical theories of SLA may seem obscure and parochial, but their influence lives on in a million foreign language classrooms like the last rumblings of a long-forgotten war. Former SLA students, who happen to make up the majority of the Earth’s population, may be unaware of it, but these ideas and the way they are used or misused have a profound effect on the nature of the modern world.

The ideas themselves are, on the whole, fine. A field as vast and apparently tangential as this is bound to be slow to develop overarching theories. The problems arise only with their dissemination. In terms of theory meeting practice, the connection for an ESL teacher is a vague and distant one. While a high school teacher in the UK receives three years of training, in addition to a required first degree in their subject, ESL teachers are generally hired on the basis of a single month’s training, and in China even this is not required. In my two years here I’ve worked with teachers who have just finished high school, teachers seemingly on the run from something or someone, and on one memorable occasion a full-time ESL teacher who didn’t know what a verb was and didn’t think it was important.

A number of factors have led to this state of affairs, including a lack of standardised qualifications within the industry and structural problems within schools, but generally it’s a matter of supply and demand. There are a limited number of native speaking teachers and a huge number of students. In this context any native speaker is a model, whatever their teaching skills.

For a linguist the concept that language is comprised merely of a grammar (in the formal, prescriptive sense of the word) and a lexicon is so outdated that the mere idea of it seems ludicrous, but this remains standard practice at Chinese high schools. The exam equivalent to a British A-level, for example, involves the rote learning of 4000 English words, without any sort of context.

When foreign teachers are brought into this system it is often as models of correct pronunciation – an issue about which Chinese learners tend to have inordinate concern due to the tonal nature of their first language.

Meanwhile, in the semi-official world of ESL training the “communicative approach” remains the standard methodology passed onto new teachers during their usual month-long training. Teachers are instructed to allow the students to speak as much as possible, minimise their own “teacher talking time”, emphasise “real world” usage above grammatical accuracy and, as far as possible, only use English in the classroom. Inevitably this approach comes into conflict with the expectations of students, and since educational directors often lack any kind of teaching background it is often down to the individual teacher to adapt their style to whatever they find works. With adults this tends to be an emphasis on “correction” which goes against any kind of communicative emphasis on fluency. With younger children (who usually have no desire to be there at all) keeping them entertained is sufficient – if a teacher insists on making them learn English they are liable to complain to their parents, who will often then send them to a “better” school.

The teaching of teenagers and university students would seem on the surface to be easier, but the familiar combination of failings from all sides has led often to what Niu Qiang and Martin Wolff have described as “the unqualified, teaching (sic) the unmotivated, in a hostile environment.”

To surmise, ESL teaching in China is in a fairly poor state, but things at least appear to be improving. Parents, students and teachers all seem to be increasingly aware of these problems, word is spreading about substandard schools and hiring practices appear to be slowly becoming more rigorous. Meanwhile, life for ESL teachers here continues to be easy and well-paid, though whether this is in conflict with the improvement of standards as a whole has yet to be seen.

Niu Qiang and Martin Wolff’s hilarious, deeply worrying article can be found here: http://chinaholisticenglish.com/articles/unqualified-teaching.pdf

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Last Night A DJ Killed My Dog Podcast #024 – Year Of The Tiger

I’ve put a new mix up for the Year Of The Tiger, you can find it here – http://lastnightadjkilledmydog.libsyn.com/

I think it’s quite good.

The tracks are:

1. My Bloody Valentine – Tiger In My Tank
2. Empire Of The Sun – Tiger By My Side
3. Paul Anka – Eye Of The Tiger
4. The Bonzo Dog Band – Hunting Tigers Out In ‘Indiah’
5. Ananda Shankar – Charging Tiger
6. Red Snapper – Get Some Sleep Tiger
7. Animal Collective – We Tigers
8. Eels – Tiger In My Tank
9. April Stevens – Teach Me Tiger
10. Rufus Thomas – Tiger Man
11. Sufjan Stevens – Year Of The Tiger

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Come to China

I invited quite a few people to come and visit me in China this year. If I didn’t invite you then I probably just forgot. It may seem a little daunting at first, but it’s really not as difficult or as expensive as you might imagine. In order to encourage, reassure and coerce, here is a shortish guide for anyone considering coming.

When to come: The winter in Beijing is colder than you can imagine, then in early spring there will inevitably be dust storms coming in from the Gobi. May, June and early July should be nice. Late July and August may be a little too hot and rainy for some people. Autumn is perhaps the best time of all. Other parts of China may differ.

How to get here:
There are three ways: The easy way, the fairly easy way, and the fairly difficult way.

The easy way – A return flight from London to Beijing is currently being offered at £469.50 by Emirates, £403 from Aeroflot and £412 by Qatar airways. These may sound quite expensive, but remember that this is your only major expense, and that there is a cheaper option;

The fairly easy way – It used to be possible to get a return flight to Hong Kong for £150, but since Oasis Hong Kong went broke prices have gone up a bit. Nevertheless, it’s still a way to save money. Air New Zealand have been good recently, but the best price I can find right now is £336 from Qantas. Once you arrive in HK you can book a train ticket to Beijing from the airport. You don’t need an extra visa, and it’s pretty easy to get around by yourself. I love Hong Kong and you might too, so it’s worth considering. If you take the train I advise going for a “hard sleeper” compartment and go for the middle bunk!

The fairly difficult way – Why not take the train? Ok, it’s quite a long way, but it’s an interesting trip by itself, and definitely worth the surprisingly low price. The main issues to deal with are Russian visas (not expensive but a bit of hassle) and booking train tickets. If you are interested then e-mail me and I can give you a lot more information.

Visas:
These are much easier than you might think, but will involve a trip either to London or Manchester. If you live in one of these then this shouldn’t be too much trouble. If you don’t then you can always apply online. Either way you need to use this website. First make an appointment, then fill in the form, turn up at the office with your passport, and come back a few days to collect it. The office is here and the price should be £30 per person, plus £35 “application service fees” (which I think is a scam personally, but that’s just how it goes).
You can get a visa for any amount of time up to 60 days and it always costs the same amount. Don’t worry about being refused, I have literally never heard of this happening.

Accommodation:
If you’re just one person then we’ll have room for you in our new house, I hope. Otherwise it might be better to book a hotel. Prices for these are surprisingly cheap, ranging from a cheap but passable dorm bed at £2 per night up to a good quality hotel at £30. Don’t worry about this until about a week before you get here. Unless you’re arriving during Chinese New Year or the national holiday in September there will be beds available, and booking three months in advance just means they are guaranteed to have forgotten about your reservation.

What to do when you’re here:
In Beijing there’s the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, the Summer Palace, etc, but aside from these there are a thousand things to do like cycling round the hutongs, the 798 art district and lots of shopping if that’s your thing. There are also very many good bars and endless great restaurants to try, even if you don’t eat meat.
If you’re here for a week or more you might like to go to Xi’An, home of the terracotta warriors, or if you’re thinking of a few weeks I’d advise you to get down to the southwest to visitYangshuoChengdu or (best of all) Yunnan.

But I don’t speak Chinese!
I would be lying if I said that everyone here can speak English, but there always seems to be someone around who can help (while practicing their English of course). Certainly if you’re just staying with me, going to hotels, etc, you may not need to speak any Chinese at all. I find that the only time I’m really stretched is in restaurants, which is probably why I can remember the names of 5 different Aubergine-based dishes but seem to have forgotten how to say “how old are you?”
If you want to learn a bit of Mandarin I can send you some very useful mp3s.

So, there’s no excuse then. See you soon.

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My MA Dissertation – The full, unexpurgated version

In the interests of posting everything I do on a single blog, here’s something which will be unreadable for most people; my MA dissertation, finished a month-and-a-half ago, and now handed in, marked and returned (I passed, by the way).
My MA was in Applied Linguistics, and this dissertation looks at an aspect of a subfield of that subfield – Motivation in Second Language Acquisition. I suppose research is always that obscure – the obvious stuff has either been done years ago or requires such a high level of funding that it’s never been able to be done. Still, it seems like an interesting and relevant topic to me, and the results I found have given me all sorts of ideas for further research which, for the meantime, I’ll have to keep on the back-burner. Still, expect further developments sometime around 2012. The statistical analysis part of this paper is severely lacking (due entirely to my own inexperience), and I really hope to find time to go over my results before then, but I’ll probably be too busy getting on with life.

So, anyway, here it is – Motivation, International Posture and Chinese Core Cultural Values; Toward a Theory of Motivation in Chinese ESL.

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V away. Made dinner. Doesn’t look very nice.

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Beard Disguises

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